DEAR RYAN

Dear Ryan,

I realise it’s been some time since I’ve written to you. My life was turned upside somewhat in recent months. I wasn’t sure if I should still be writing to you. Your rather public relationship with Eva Mendes really threw me too. I threw my hands in the air. The white flag was waved. What chance do I have when 2 of the most beautiful people in the world get together? Well, zero is the answer. It was a harsh turn of events. I questioned myself, as an individual. I compared too much. I let my heart ache. I mourned the death of a relationship that didn’t exist yet. I find myself doing that a lot lately. Perhaps out of desperation to find the perfect person to spend time with. Or to sleep with. Or both. Though there never really is the perfect person. I’ve figured that out over the years. It’s probably too much to ask for someone to get all your jokes, or like the same music as you, and in addition be compatible sexually. Sometimes you do find that person, but generally you’ve already been beaten to the punch. You start questioning the person’s choice of partner. What is it about them that is so great? What do they have that you don’t? What do I do to get this person to turn their attention towards me instead? You can paint a picture of yourself that is completely unrealistic. Tricking yourself into thinking you’re a perfect human being, and in turn chastising this person internally for being a fool and not choosing you.

Is it wrong to hold out hope? How long do you torture yourself with the idea of a relationship breakdown? I question on whether this is fair. The saying “If you love someone, let them go” holds a lot of clout. I’ve found it difficult to let people go over the years. My gut talks to me and I can’t ignore it. I feel it in my bones sometimes. I feel like I know what the universe wants for me. The last person I felt this way about did not reciprocate. It’s a crushing defeat, one I’ve only succumbed to in the last few months after nearly 3 years. Obsessive? I guess. Creepy? No. I don’t look at it that way. My feelings were and are genuine and for a time his were too. You can’t win them all I guess. But there’s no harm in trying.

So I’ll keep writing you letters, just in case one day you realise what a high maintenance cow Eva is (or so I’ve heard).

L x

Dear Ryan,

L x

Dear Ryan,

I admit I’ve had a little bit to drink.

I was listening to Dead Man’s Bones today. I love your vocals. They’re a little theatrical…reminds me of Nick Cave. Arcade Fire comes to mind. I love the playfulness of it. The smashing glasses as accents was a nice touch. That sound always gives you a little thrill, a rush of adrenaline. The urge to shout “Taxi!” (this might be an Australian thing, I really don’t know). I can’t really begin to describe to you what music does to me. I always have to have music near me. If I leave the house without my headphones I have a panic attack. I can’t stand inane chatter on public transport, but that’s not it. It’s like I need a constant connection. I find music and I obsess over it. So much of the music I love is connected to past relationships. I found that really difficult at first. Interpol’s ‘Obstacle 2’ was played to me on a first date. That’s a pretty game move to play that song to a girl on a first date (read the lyrics). It worked though. I thought I’d never be able to listen to that song again. The entire album even. But when I did, it was like therapy. I played it over and over. That and so many more. I guess you have to claim it as your own after a period of time. You can’t cry forever. I enjoy music too much to let it depress me. You know when you have those life changing albums? I can almost see them coming. They’re always released at just the right time. Tegan and Sara’s ‘The Con’ was huge for me. Laura Marling and ‘I Speak Because I Can’. Now she is someone I completely adore. What an absolute gift that girl has. She is magnificent live. The other album that changed me forever was Wheat, ‘Hope and Adams’. It had that song ‘Don’t I Hold You’ on it, which is arguably the best song of all time. It was terribly underrated but I’ll forever be grateful that I jumped on it when I did. Of course I’m also a Radiohead fan, but this letter would go on for pages if I started talking about them. My favourite band ever is a band called The Nation Blue. They are Australia’s most underrated band. They are the epitome of rock, really. It is heartfelt, raw, meaningful and fucking entertaining to watch. They’re a bit much for some people to handle. Quite confronting. But that’s what I love about them. They scare people, because they tell the truth. And they throw their guitars around and bleed on stage. It’s getting late. I hope I haven’t bored you. I could talk about music forever, really. It’s one of my “things”. Goodnight. L x

Dear Ryan,

My friend Bel posted this on her Tumblr yesterday.

The thing that fascinates me about you is your ability to look good in almost any situation.  You have your arms in the air.  I should not be turned on by that.  Nobody looks good with their arms in the air.  If I posted a photo of myself with my arms in the air I’m certain they’d ban me from the internet.  

The grace that is captured in these photos is rather magnificent.  I’ll conclude this stems from your ballet experience.  I read that you still go to public ballet classes, even though you admit to not being very good at it. Girls universally gave a collective sigh when they read that article, you know.  I questioned it.  I thought, “Is he trolling us all?  Surely this man, this amazingly hot, sexy, talented man, is having us all on.  He’s trying to fool us.”  You can’t blame me, can you?  Sexy, intelligent, talented actor, musician, AND ballet dancer?  Come on.  Talented in that field or not, you’re wearing tights once a week, with that ass.  

I’ll trust you this time Gosling.  But you need to understand what you’re doing to women.  Killing them on the inside.

One more thing… do you rub your eyes like that in the morning?  

Ryan Gosling, making the most menial of voluntary body movements completely fucking sexy.

L x

Dear Ryan Gosling

Dear Ryan,

This is the first time I’m writing to you. I’m not sure why I hadn’t thought of it before, considering a few of the crazy ideas that slipped through my mind. Pretend to be an entertainment journalist for an official sounding publication, ringing around for your agents’ number, desperate to book a 15 minute slot of official Gosling TALK TIME. Perhaps. The other was to somehow find a friend of a friend of a friend of yours email address and just send you links to my work. In photography. Something I have no idea which you even like. I mean, I looked on Wikipedia but there was no mention. You seem like the type of person that would appreciate art and creativity. I noticed this the second time I saw a photograph of you sans shirt.

Anyway. The first note is a quick one. I just wanted to say hi.
Maybe one day you’ll say hi back.

L x